A man walks into a bar. He realizes that he would need a designated driver if he would want to return home safely. So he then leaves.

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What do lawyers and sharks have in common? They both play vital roles in their own society or ecosystem.

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Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side... (other side as in the afterlife, for it committed suicide by crossing the road)

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Suicide isn't the answer, it's just the solution. -by Ross

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Frenchman, a Scottish man, an Australian, a German, a Spaniard, an Icelandic man, a Norwegian, a Swede, a Dane, an Italian, a Morrocan, an American, an Algerian, an Egyptian, a Syrian, an Israelite, a Chinese man, a Russian, a Japanese man, an Indian and a Brazilian all walk into a bar. It was a large bar.

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What do you call a cow with no legs. Dead, the farmer cut them off.

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If there are anti jokes why are there no uncle jokes?

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What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, she didn't make it that far

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rock-a-bye baby on the treetop When the wind blows The bass will drop!

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12/23/2012

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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What do you call a Serbian-Australian man with no arms, no legs, and two feet. Nick Vujicic

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why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Schizophrenia.

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When Harry met Sally, she slapped him twice without reason, walked away and kept on with her day.

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Q: What do you call a person with no arms and no legs ??? A: Stumpy

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted better pay.

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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