What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Rarity: "So, what is that splendid frock of yours saying?" Maud Pie: "It doesn't talk. It's a dress."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How does a penguin make pancakes out of skis? Purple because it's the best.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the girl talk to her computer? Because she was Skyping with some faraway friends. Why were her friends far away? She was sent to the moon. Why was she sent to the moon? Because she tried to create eternal night.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do you confuse a bar tender? You ask him how tender he is.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What is stupid and looks like you? You.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Do not lose hope, you have always considered me hard to get, while this time, I came to you. Next time too, I kinda owe you.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

He is outside, running for it, Erron, seriously who is We? I thought you where an author.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock knock... Home invasion

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How did the man escape the giant scorpion? He didn't he watched as his family died and waited for his demise crying in the corner of the scorpion's layer

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Jesus saves, passes to Moses who shoots and scores!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A: What do you call a female bombing the white house? Q: A terrorist

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a black man that can steal, shoot, and jump? A basketball player.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops