"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What's the difference between my girlfriend and a dead baby? I don't make out with my girlfriend after sex.

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How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

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A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Can I have a.........................beer?" The bartender asks, "Why the large pause?" The bear responds, "I have a speech impediment"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

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What's brown and liquidy? Brown paint.

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Q.How Do You Make 7 People Laugh? A.Tell Them a Good Joke.

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what did one lady say to another lady we are both ladies

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.

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Q:what is long ,black and red but smells like poo.? A:poo from someone dying of bowel cancer.!

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? After losing its family, the chicken had became an adrenaline junkie and enjoyed the rush of doing such dangerous things. It subsequently became addicted to opium.

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What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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Why didnt the boy go to school the next day? Because he killed himself due to bullying

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What was the only thing the little boy from tanzania had? AIDS.

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how many dicks can you fit into mia khalifa's ass

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't.

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An American, an Indian and an African walked into a bar. They had a memorable time together.

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Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

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Communism hehe xd

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops