Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was tired of the publicity his friend, the chicken was getting for crossing the road that he wanted to do it himself. Halfway across the duck was wistfully hit by a car and sadly, his story is lesser known and 99% of the people in this world really don't care about him. Thumbs up if you're that 1% that shows sympathy toward the duck.

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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why shouldn't you get a clown angry? Because they'll yell at you.

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Why did Superman cross the road? I dunno.

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A man tells a blonde "you are what you eat" and she replies "well, i don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today.'

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No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

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What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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Knock knock Whos there? Knock knock Who's there? Knock knock Who's there?! "is anyone home this is Helan Keller"

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A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says: Dad, can I borrow 50 dollars? The dad responds: 40 dollars?!? What are you going to do with 30 dollars?!?

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What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

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Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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What's big, yellow and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A JCB!

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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what did the apple say to the orange, nothing fruits can't talk

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at rhyming...... TITS

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Roger D. ASS , stops, has a ponder , and walks out of a s.t.i clinic ,without being seen

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Don't you hate it when you have 5 dead bodies, and you don't know which one to shoot your load on? -no

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Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless your father is a doctor and you live with him.

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What word is always spelled wrongly? None of them. Every word has been spelled right at some point.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, if you didn't know that, go back to school.

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I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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What do Miley and Bill Ray Cyrus have in common? Half their DNA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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