What kind of Mexican makes no money? A Mexican without a job.

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what's the square root of pi? nothing. why would you add roots to pie, how gross.

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I'm going to Re-write History... History

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Why doesn't God like pizza? Because he doesn't exist.

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Why does Ray Charles always smile? Because he doesn't know he's black.

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Your momma is so dumb that her IQ is 3 standard deviations below that of an average person.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? El-if-iknow

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how many Arabs and Jews can you fit on a bus? The bus in question is a 56 seater,so 56. If you cram some people in the aisles you could probably fit 65 if you didn't care about anyone's comfortability sheesh you might even for in 100 or more.

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A horse and a group of people are the jury in a courtroom. They are expected to vote yay or nay of whether a supposed robber is guilty or not. The jury goes into their room. They come out, and the people vote yay. The room turns to the horse. The horse states his objection very thoughtfully, and then leaves the room.

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "i need some ointment for my beak, its rather chapped." and the Pharmacist said "Sorry we don't have anything for ducks here."

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What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Barack Obama. Ok, come on in Mr. President!

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What did the group of black men do to the old white woman? Gave her back the purse she dropped.

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i have alzheimer's, so i forgot the punchline to this joke

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? One second let me count them.

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In Soviet Russia, you drive the car, fill it up with gas, and park it. Just like in America.

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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