Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Q-What happens when you grow tomatoes in Kansas on an odd number year when its an average of 398degrees Kelvin ? A-You eat em

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Because of the green pigments in the leaves known as chlorophyll which are used to capture sunlight.

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Why is mario red? His mother beat him as a child.

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What does NASCAR stand for? Non-athletic sport centered around rednecks.

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you can either take the test now or on monday. (hand movement)

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While getting Sherrie's Crabcakes I was arrested by Missy Hepp highway patrol.

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what did Harold Camping say to the little girl and boy? "You and your parents are going to die today"

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What do you call Bob if he gets a nose ring? Bob

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How do you drown a black? - pop their lips

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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Q: How do you find the population of Mexico? A: Take a census

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was playing tic-tac-toe with a friend.

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Lasers are red, Tasers are blue, and I will use them, to kill you!

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what's the worst part about owning a prius? telling your parents you're gay

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Why Johnny's parents threw out his broken bike? - ´Cause Johnny got ran over by a drunken driver yesterday, when he was cycling back home from school.

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LIKE FOR GANGNAM STYLE. DISLIKE FOR JUSTIN BIEBER LETS SEE WHO WINS

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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Why did the black man walk into the catholic church? He was catholic.

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What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants!"

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops