(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

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what do u call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalotopuss

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Man hears son masturbating in room. The dad enters the room and tells him "Son if you keep jacking off you will go blind". The boy replies "Dad I"m over here".

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first one why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure

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one man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. when he was drinking the beer he choked and died

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What do you call a man with bananas in his ears? A doctor. He is clearly mentally unstable, and probably in pain.

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Knock Knock Whos there? Jason Oh, ok come in.

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Why did the boy wear glasses? Because he had bad eyesight.

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What's Green And Has Wheels? Grass, I Was Just Kidding About The Wheels.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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what do you say to your girlfriend just after the best sex you ever had? I really got great value for money tonight with my prostitute sweety. You should have been there

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why did Suzie get raped? because she was out past her bedtime. and the morale to this story is that its funny to be raped.

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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What starts with P and ends in ORN Popcorn!

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom now...

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Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

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what do you call a white man who appears to be standing on water? a surfer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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