"I'm terrible at writing jokes." -80% of the people on here.

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Why did Sally's ice cream melt? She was on fire.

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped from his farm and didn't understand the laws of jaywalking.

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Joe is a negotiator. When joe sees someone in trouble, he tries to help them out of it by talking. Joe failed to talk to Osama bin laden correctly. Joe is no longer living in this world. Joe drank his sorrows away and died from the alcohol in his body. Osama is completely unrelated to this, his family died in a car crash.

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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There are 3 people in a car, shit, manners, and asshole. They are driving and shit falls out. They pull over and manners gets out to help shit. Then a cop comes and pulls them over. The cop ask asshole what his name is. He said asshole. The cop said what. Then asshole said asshole. Then the cop says where are your manners. Asshole said over their picking up shit.

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

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What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

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Why are Pine trees green? Because light reflects at different wavelengths, and the chlorophyll, found in chloroplasts, being abundant in the needles of pine trees, Reflect the correct wavelength for green.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Enough.

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Never go into your parents room with a blacklight.. -Ryan Vallee

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What sits on a shelf and says hey im a book? A person who thinks hes a book.

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Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

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What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

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A cow and a whale are swimming in the sea when they both realize this is Vietnam and they were really chimps

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What did Timmothy get when he got back from his vacation in a tropical destination? Malaria.

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What happened to the lady living in the present, crossing a street? Let's watch her and find out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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