Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

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A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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Their was once a man named Bob Clemens who really wanted to have sex with an underage girl. So one day he went on an online chat site to find one. He ran into this young girl and told her all the things he wanted to do to her and she told him that she had never done anything and really wanted to try it. Bob went over to her house one day and she told him to sit down and grab some cookies while she came back. She came back and Bob gave her the roughest pounding that any human being could recieve.

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Three explorers are walking through the jungle when they are suddenly captured by a group of cannibals, the cannibals, going through years of culture and hereditary custom, kill the explorers, skin their bodies, chop them to pieces and cook their flesh, finally they eat it giving them a prosperous feast while the rest of the world is unaware of whatever happened in that jungle.

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What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

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What's worse than a rapist? 2 rapists

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Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

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A blonde walks into a bar. That's it.

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When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Scientists are still unable to fully understand the brain functioning of chickens enough to comprehend their motives for doing such a thing.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Walt dies in breaking bad.

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What's bigger than a moose? An even bigger moose.

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Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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You wanna know who else messes around a lot? My mom. Do you know who else has the best tacos in town? My mom. Do you know who else doesn't have time for this? My mom. She's a very busy woman; dealing with matters you'd expect a recently divorced mother would have to carry on her shoulders.

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What do you call an asian jumping off of a building? A suicide victim.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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What is worse than banging your knee on the coffee table? Tripping over one of the legs and smacking your head on the floor, causing a severe concussion.

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Why does pavement get hot. Because it’s black. How could you tell she had bruises. Because they were black. Why did the boy drop out of school. Because he was dying of melanoma.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? a bench is a structure designed for sitting and a Mexican is a person born in Mexico.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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