What did the fat man order at McDonalds? Nothing, he was on a diet

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someone tell england that a depressed guy smoking a cigarette is not a movie.

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave Whenever I could get away from the Mrs., I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses. But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

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Brian knew how to save the world from the death penalty: "Let's kill everybody who is not against it." So I killed Brian and waste my time in death row now.

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What is the sun's favorite day of the week? The sun is a mass of incadescent gas and cannot feel emotions; therefore, it cannot have a favorite day of the week.

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Jerry: Hi what's your name? Bob: My name is bob. Jerry: Bob, nice to meet you, my name is Jerry. Bob: Nice to meet you Jerry.

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A bear wakes up from hibernation and is hungry. He sees a nearby forest cabin and decides to see if he can find food inside. The bear breaks into the cabin and thus the people staying there frantically run away to call animal control.

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Roses are red, pink, white or yellow. Stop stereotyping my arrogant fellow.

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Dig Bick Your dislexic

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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A genie walks into a bar. The bartender asks for three wishes. The genie says "okay". The bartender says "I wish I was the richest person in the world." The genie says "okay." Then He woke up

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A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

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a black, mexican, jewish, and white man fall off a cliff, who landed first ? all at the same time, they all died and there familys sued the clifff and commited sucicede

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Extremely vulnerable to predacious animals such as Brown Bears and Grey Herons

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was Tuesday, Popeyes has a special sale buy one get one free fried chicken. The chicken was like "Oh hell no, today's Tuesday? I'm funna get my feathery-asss out of here.." However, chickens do not know what day it is, nor do they care about being captured by humans. I also made up the part when the chicken began talking.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Insurance. Insurance who? I'm sorry, sir; we can't fix your liver because you don't have any insurance.

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A black guy, a Jew and a Mexican walked into a bar...so I didn't....not because of their race but because I had already spent all of my money at the gay bar.

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What do you call a place full of large volumes of random, unwanted knowledge? The usersub on this site.

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What do a rubix cube and a penis have in common? The more you play with it the harder it gets.

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whats worse than one bee sting? two bee stings whats worse than two bee stings? the halocaust whats worse than the halocaust? three bee stings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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