Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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What is the best way to eat a dead baby? I don't know. That is incredibly disgusting.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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What do you say to somebody that wont shut up Shut up!!!!

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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Once there was a dog, another one came to it and then there were two.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Getting raped..

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You must be Jamaican cause you have long dreadlocks and you are listening to Bob Marley

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Why did the deaf man ask for directions? He didn't as he knew he wouldnt have a clue what they are on about.

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Q:What did the slut have in her mouth? A: teeth.

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What did the spoon say to the other spoon? Nothing, it is a spoon.

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Roses are red violets are blue make me a sandwhich so i can eat it

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Know what im sayin'? No but im wearing pants

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A baby is cold and won't drink it's milk It's dead

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The Below statement is an antijoke. The Above statement is a joke.

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How do you get the pesky neighborhood kids off your front lawn? Molest them.

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what's the difference between a jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your nuts with a jew.

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Why do asians get good grades? Because they study very hard and want to achieve success so they can provide for their families.

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jack be nimble jack be quick jack is a parapeligic.....there's no need for more

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I Couldn't afford a hair cut... so i purpposely contracted HIV

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In Soviet Russia, there was a population of approx. 293,047,571 people. It was dissolved in 1991, it is now know as Russia or the Russian Federation.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because grass don't eat meat.

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Nothing exceedingly odd happened at a bar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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