What do you call a fish with no eyes? Dead.

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? No seriously, I don't know because we've only just got electricity in our village.

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why did the man fall off his unicycle? because he was dead

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Why was the man burying his child? because in france, fishing is only allowed 3 times a day

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When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call? The Police. There's something strange in your neighborhood.

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Whats worse the losing your 3 kids, your lovely beautiful wife, and your trusty dog, all your belongings and in a house fire while you're at work? Nothing

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Jacob Mckeand licks his gooch everynight. Some nights he even covers it in maple syrup. 'mmmmm' he thinks to himself as he licks his 7 inch gooch up and down.

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What did Billy say to Jesus when he died? Nothing he went to hell. -Austin Conradt

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A man is walking on the beach and notices a shiny brass lamp on the ground. He picks it up, polishes it and then sells it for a reasonable amount of money at a local pawnbroker.

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A man crawled up to a water fountain but fell because he had no legs

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Whats red and bad for your teeth??? A brick!!!

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How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos (make a dipping and snacking motion).

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Why was the poor man poor? Because he doesnt make money

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Ask me if I'm a car. Are you a car¿ Yes¡

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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A cat walks into a bar. He orders some beer. The bartender asks, why the sad face. The cat replies, "I got laid off"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

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On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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A horse and a group of people are the jury in a courtroom. They are expected to vote yay or nay of whether a supposed robber is guilty or not. The jury goes into their room. They come out, and the people vote yay. The room turns to the horse. The horse states his objection very thoughtfully, and then leaves the room.

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops