What do watermelons taste like? Sand.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was a woman crying in a corner of a room She was raped

thumb_up thumb_down -13

greetings ZOE. WHAAA BANNANNAS ROCK MAH WORLD. WHY DID THE TRAIN CRASH? ....BECAUSE THE CONDUCTOR WAS A PIECE OF CHEESE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. WELL LOVE YA CHICAS. PEACE AND BLESSINZ. SALUTATIONS, isabel.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is worse than ending and apple joke in the holocaust? Getting raped by a goat

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a chair in the middle of the road? A danger to drivers.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

thumb_up thumb_down -13

penisvaginaorgasm

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Cheetahs run at an alarmingly fast rate for short periods of time. Until I shoot them with harpoons.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Three cows are sitting in a field The first cow says, "MOOOO!" The second cow says, "MOOOO!" The third cow says, "MOOOO!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Joe get for his first birthday? Nothing he died at birth

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? X box Kinect

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit him with an ax

thumb_up thumb_down -13

roses are read, violets are blue. i have alzheimers and Jill came tumbling down.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What would you call the flinstones if they were black? Ni**gers

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how did the snake fly? it couldnt snakescant fly

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What state is high in the middle and round on both ends? Onorth Chiarolinao

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I once met a giraffe, It needed a bath, When I turned on the water, It started to swim, Because it was actually a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Soviet children dream about? Communism.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the black man walk into the white house? Cause he lives there because he is our president

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops