Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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What happened to the Chicken who crossed the road? It made it to the other side!

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Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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What time is it? 2:47 PM.

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Roses are black. Violets are black. Black people are black, And you're a douche.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he isn't coming anyway!!!!

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Why did Susie fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms or legs. Why did Susie drown? Because she fell in a puddle. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzy!

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What's worse than getting raped? getting raped by a horse in car while listening to nickelback

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What has four legs and rocks? Your baby kitten that just got stoned to death.

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Why was the ghast from minecraft crying? His family died

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Fuck off, seriously, if your name is Tifa, my name is bah, I got better things to do.

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There are 3 types of people, those that can count and those who can not.

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How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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Ha! You're so gay that I respect the sexuality you were born with and I feel completely comfortable with, and happy for, you and your preferences.

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My trip to Italia: Italian most: WELCOME TO ITAAAAAAALIA! YOU WANT THE PIZZA YES? Me asking my then Italian girlfriend: Are all Italians so loud? Then girlfriend: Yeah kinda... Her brother overhearing us: WHO! GAVE! YOU THE BALLS! TO JUDGE US! Me: Uh I am just surprised at... Her bro: I SAID WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS... DONT LOOK AT ME! Me: *looking down at the ground somewhat ashamed* bro: LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! NO! DONT LOOK AT ME! I will let you go for this time yes? Next time I will take you outside and beat you up okay? LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! AND DO NOT LOOK AT ME! Conclusion: Wow you Italians are bad ass... I mean hell this is was a real life experience of mine, I was just a teen back then but I got a headache and threw up ending up in bed later... Fact: I am nearly two meters but walk with a hunch, the guy was half my size but still broke me down, wow Italians are bad ass...

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The way I see it, you are pretty lucky I am a tough guy, the kind you like. Anyway you where really wondering if I ever refer myself as a boy? Sigh, I mean I AM A BOY! WHAT? WHAT? Savage jokes? What jokes?

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

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What is black, white and red all over? Something that pertains those characteristics

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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