Q: What did the homeless man get on his Birthday? A: Hypothermia.

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what do you get when you cross a baby and a car a baby shaped dent, and a dead baby

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Roses are red, violets are blue, roses are red, violets are blue, roses are red, I have amnesia.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't have a last name, it's just Boo

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An asian walks into class to take a math test. He did not study and consistently misbehaves and promptly fails.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, MAKE ME EAT LEMONS, I ATE U!

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What's the difference between Little Billy and Ice Cream? People like Ice Cream.

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Ring around the rosy. A pocket full of posies. Ashes. Ashes. I just set a dead baby on fire.

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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roses are red violets are red i smell my wife nows shes dead

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Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a lion? A dead sheep.

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What is big, grey, has 8 wheels, can fly, swim and walk. I dunno. Thats why I'm asking

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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Why did the black man steal the mountain bike? He didn't. He purchased and payed for the mountain bike.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener

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Yo mamas so dirty she has to take showers regularly so the stench of her pungent body odor is at a minimum.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? because shes autistic and her mother likes to abuse her.

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whats red and brown and goes about 30mph? a squirrel in a blender.

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What happens when you breed a T-rex and a mammoth? You can't, both animals are extinct.

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Eric went for a poo in the public toilets. After he finished, he realised that there was no toilet roll. So he had to just pull up his pants and put up with his sshitty arse for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, he was in a board meeting and when he went in he stank of shit and it was a very uncomfortable feeling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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