Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Person: hey buddy have you heard the greteat news Freind: yea you have aids Person: no my wife jusr became a pristatue an she had ten patients already i was her first

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a women.

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a Guinness.

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't know why.

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Double-whammy

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I found out I had asthma earlier today. I was breathless.

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'l give you a nickle to tickle my pickle i'l give you a dime to take you time

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What did the retarded handicap say to the bully who called him the biggest retard in the world? "atleast I didn't make SOPA"

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Everybody love food when they are hungry

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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What's brown and sticky? ...A stick.

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yo moma so stupid she went to the dentist for a bluetooth.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

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One time i was sitting down

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist.

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Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops