Jake: Where's Waldo Me: Where? Jake: I don't know

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kid: dad! a kid called me gay today! dad: son, im 100% ok with u hurting that kid! kid: i cant! hes too cute.

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Barak Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lindsey Lohan all jump out of a plane. all of their parachutes deploy. except Justin Bieberrs, he then dies of cancer

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A: Ask me if I'm a tree! B: Are you a tree? A: No.

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Q; why did the German ask the Jew to go in his shower? A; because the Jew had stayed the night at the Germans house.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius!

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Your tell your girlfriend to make you a sandwich, she actually makes one for you.

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Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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Roses are red My name is Dave This makes no sense Microwave

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Once upon a time there was a man sleeping, Then he woke up.

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Q: How do you confuse a blond A: You don't they are born that way

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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