"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing set? Because she didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a person who is black? A black person.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

roses are red violets are blue i have aids and so do you happy valentines day!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Quinn yell at his group project partner? Because he hated him.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Have you heard the one of the two headed man an the horse? Neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a lesbian eskimo? The name she was given at birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Whats worse than the death of a celebrity? An anonymous person posting a joke on this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a man with a gun in his mouth? Keith.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the chicken cross the road? -I do not believe chickens like being questioned of their motives. We should leave them alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I shot a bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man and his wife are sitting on the couch in their house, watching tv. The man says, "Do you smell smoke?" The woman then replies, "No." They then proceed to watch more tv.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar And doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: Why did the black man win the 100 meter dash? A: Because ever since he heard of this event, he has spent weeks preparing for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did suzy get in the car? She wanted to go somewhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

where do some birds live in? Earth

thumb_up thumb_down +23

why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was Little Billy crying? He had cancer. Why was Little Sally crying? Little Billy's cancer was contagious.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how you throw 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops