How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

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A man was walking along and got his legs shot off. He then proceeded to calm his wife and children and buy a wheelchair.

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What do a black man and a bench have in common? The black man can sit in the bench.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs ? Same place you left it ...

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Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

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nothing drews nose is f**ing hilarious

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What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis. -Rivrawr

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How did the old guy die? Of death and death related symptoms.

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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You tell me. I have amnesia.

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why did the black guy kill the white guy. the white guy killed his family.

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A Black man is running down the street with a T.V. He just bought it with the money he is getting from his recent promotion to partner at a local Law firm. He is running because he had to park far away and wanted to get out of the rain.

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What's bad about four black men in a car going over a cliff? It was my car.

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What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

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knock knock whos there micheal jackson too soon

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere. - Blake Woodman

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I don't have ADHD I just- Hey look a squirrel!

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What happens if a guy is gay? You call him Verl.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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