Why was the pirate not allowed into the movie? tickets were sold out

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A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying on your driveway? You call him by his name

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? No, but considering there has not been a single man to walk on the moon since 1972, it'd be difficult to generate any kind of revenue on this natural satellite.

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Yo mama's so fat, she weighs 283 pounds.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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A turtle and a rabbit are having a race. The rabbit goes really fast and sees the turtle so far away. So the rabbit takes a short nap and waits for the turtle for a little challenge. Suddenly the rabbit wakes up and sees the turtle about to cross the finish line. The rabbit runs as fast as he can, but it was too late. A bus runs them over and they both die.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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Why did my car stop suddenly? I had arrived at my appropriate destination.

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How do you tell the difference between a politician and a reindeer? A politician is an employee who works under a strict firm of a government department while a reindeer is a large, grazing ungulate in the family Cervidae that is native to subarctic polar regions of North America.

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What's the best part of any family reunion? Sodomy.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Jason. Jason who? The person who is answering the door hears a chainsaw start up and suddenly realizes that Jason is the murderer from Friday the Thirteenth. The person goes and gets their shotgun, ready to blast Jason's head of when he breaks in.

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Haikus are simple but sometimes they don't make sense refrigerator.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

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I was having sex with thisgirl and now I'm going to be a dad. All because I didn't wear a condom

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Why did the old man get the anti aging cream ? He failed 8th grade 50 times.

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Q: How do you count the population of Mexico? A: Take a census.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Fish don't run.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A little boy who can't reach the doorbell.

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Friend's sister: how many seconds are in 12 o'clock Friend: alot Friend's sister: WELL THEN 12 O'CLOCK IS A REWERJAJSBDKDJDHRJRJFHFKRJRIDBDKSBSDJ *slams door*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops