You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

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That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

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What did the man say when he found a bar of soap in his mailbox? Why is there soap in my mailbox?

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1657 is a cool number, when a leprachaun sings it sounds like pie drinking an obese penguin (do you know what I mean....) :D

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What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't know why.

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What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

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Knock knock. Whos there. Your landlord. Your landlord who? Bitch, i'm here with your eviction notice you haven't paid rent in weeks

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What's the best thing for a hangover? Heavy drinking the night before.

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What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

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What is my cats favorite college? Harvard

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A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

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The awkard moment when you realize you either have cancer, are pregnant, or a combination of the two.

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What would you do for a klondike bar? Pay the manufacturers suggested retail price.

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Who enslaves small people and forces them to work in his factory all year round in ridiculous outfits. Santa

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SUCK MY NUTS

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying on your driveway? You call him by his name

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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kkkk

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What did the bad boy get for Christmas? Incurable cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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