What was Mozart's favorite vegetable? Aspara-gus.

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was in a tub of KFC

A black person goes up to the drive through at popeye's, what did they say? Nothing, it was closed.

Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

There once was a man from Nantucket, who had his car stolen and wasn't very happy so called the police.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

Why was the man white? Because he wasn't black. All credit goes to Caravel.

my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

Why did the black man eat lucky charms? Because it was breakfast time and he was hungry.

Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

What is worse than waking up by your alarm clock on the weekend? 9/11

What do you call a horse with a missing leg Calling it names could be considered animal abuse and should be reported immediately

What would you say if you girlfriend got hit by a train? Trick question, trains don't go through kitchens!

What happens when metal and ice collide together? The Titanic

What is worst than a black guy hanging on a tree. A burnt black guy hanging on a tree

How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

A man walks into a bar. As he walks in, numerous people turn their heads in awe. Is it... it can't be. It's Paul McCartney, the famous musician! "Oh - I'm not Paul McCartney". The man then said. "I just look a lot like him. Sorry." "Awww. That's a shame." said John Lennon, disappointed.

Your Mom was so fat he made herself Liposuction Twice

what's worse than both your parents dying? finding out that they were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and they left you nothing, including the house, oh and you have to be out by the end of the week, the bank is ready to re-possess the house, especially since your parents haven't paid the mortgage for 8 months. oh, by the way, happy birthday! written by KA

how do make a condom fly around the room? Piss it off!

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a deceased human infant and the other is a delicious citrus fruit.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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