A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you confuse a blonde? Go up to her and say, "The bookbag coffeepotted the ice cream wedding! Is it gosling for you to rectify this pane of glass and oceans? I won't be able to berry a giant squid before the cows arrive."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Guy: Roses are red, violets are blue, you're beautiful and sexy too. Girl: Roses are red violets are blue, how many girls have you told that to? Guy:... Girl: Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A horse enter a bar, and the barman says: "why the long face?" The horse has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did the baby fall out of the tree? the monkey dropped it. why did the monkey drop the baby? it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: Why did the black man shit himself? A: He experienced post-mortem bowel release after he was murdered due to his racial identification.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck oak? Well, If an oatmeal man could oat chuck oat, then a wood oat chucker could chuck oats.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why w\s the English man, the French man, the German man, the Indian man, the Chinese man, the Irish man, the American man and the russian man all on a train together? They where going to the olympics.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a black guy who gives out change? A cashier.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call an Interlochen Arts Academy Student with no talent? A comparative artist

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: why did the 10 year old squirt his dad with the water hose? A: what 10 year old WOULDN'T?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the dying mother give her newborn child? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: Why are all black people fast? A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you piss off a redneck? You wait until he is done fucking his sister and then you steal his truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

1 black guy jumped off a cliff at the same time as a white guy, who fell first? The one who weighed the most.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: Why didnt jim win the race ? A: Because he swalowed his tounge.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the Mexican cross the border? He wanted to live a better life in pursuit of freedom and a better job.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the dog say to the cat? bark what did the cat say to the dog? nothing it ran away

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What can fly, but is always under you? A flying worm.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Which disney princess always stays old? Snow White

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops