What did the doctor say to the morbidly obese man? "You should get on a diet. It's a surprise you're even alive for so long with such a bad heart" The next day the man dies while eating celery.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to compromise his health and career

thumb_up thumb_down +10

once you go Persian, there is no other alternative

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I just found out my wife has cervical cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow and everywhere that mary went this joke has no punchline

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whos best at KS3 irish and is sexy? tiarnan i lied about the sexy part

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian walk into a bar... They then sit down and discuss the various political factors driving a wedge between unity, harmony and understanding between their religions. They resolve that despite the differences in religious belief, they truly can coexist, and decide to pursue peace among one another and the rest of society.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you not want to call a african american that begins with an N and ends with an R? A Neighbor!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your mom's so fat, she's is bigger than the average person.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What does a boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead, ok!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Jim: You wanna hear a funny joke? Tim: Sure Jim: Well, if you want a funny joke, this isn't the place to be.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

knock knock who's there? Police oh shit

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: what's green and has wheels? A: a john deere tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a kid was born with down syndrome on christmas night

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What would you do if your penis disintegrated? Never mate again.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why dose my mom have a penis? She is a man

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what are three short words? i a am

thumb_up thumb_down +10

2 doctors are talking to each other: -Dead? -Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops