Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

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Q: How many children did it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The light bulb was already screwed in and exploded after excessive tampering

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Why are Indians so bad at football? Curry

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What did the little boy with cancer get for christmas? Nothing. He was a jew. Jew's don't celebrate christmas.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A Jehovah's witness.

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What did the Jewish man say to the banana? Nothing, because he has common sense

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Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

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knock knock who's there? A worm, your dead in a coffin.

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Roses are red, my name is Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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Your mamas so old that she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten?

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Yo momma's so fat she weighs more than the average woman of her age and height

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Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

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A blonde walks into an electronic store...she buys an IPhone because someone stole her blackberry, her money, and everything she cares for. Nah, I'm just kiddin', she was murdered.

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What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

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What did one Japanese man say to the other? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Whats the best way to tell if your wife has been cheating on you with the UPS guy? simply ask her, trust and communication in relationships are vital in their survival and growth.

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How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

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How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

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What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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