Whats black and can run fast? a panther.... racist

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The philosophy professor decided to isolate himself in his closet until he figured out the meaning of life. After ten years, he had done it. He came out of isolation and immediately found one of his former colleagues on campus. He said, "I've discovered the meaning of life!" The colleague said, "Ok, what is it?" The professor said, "Life is like a bridge." The colleague said, "How so?" After a few moments, the professor nodded and said, "Yea, I guess you're right."

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Why did the father smash his sons head into the dentist's building? Because he had a locker in his mouth. Also, equestrian.

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hey im leon and i love the chuckie

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There once was an old man. He had worked hard his whole life to make sure his children got everything they needed, and that they were always happy. He had a beautiul life and a great big house with a marvelous view of the ocean. In time his kids moved away, and his wife died. The old man was left all by himself in the great big house, and sometimes the emptiness of the house reminded him of the emptiness of his own heart. He very seldom cried though, and kept all of his emotions inside. One day it all became to much for him and he took his own life in the silence of his great big empty house. I was that ocean.

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Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Why didn't the baby learn to walk? It got hit by a car.

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Why didn't the black lady become a doctor? After being awarded a Guggenheim Achievement Grant for film, she decided rather than going to school for her doctorate to instead spend time traveling in India, doing service work with the country's rather large homeless population.

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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Q: Why did the kid get Christman presents in August? A: Because it was cheaper than chemotherapy.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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How many babies can you fit on a ferris wheel? None, babies aren't allowed to ride

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Why did they use the phone as a football? Because it was a phone-ball.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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what would your nan do if she was alive right now? scratching the top of the coffin.

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How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

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Q: If you're driving down the street in your canoe and the wheels fall of, how many pancakes does it take to shingle your dog's garage? A: 27, because bananas have no bones.

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Why didn't Superman save anyone on September 11? He was in a wheelchair.

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Your mother is so fat that LOWERLOWEOROLWERLOWEH OIRH OWER IOWEJ OR OIJWE :JWEJKLR

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"I saw daddy with mommy last night. I think he was stealing my milk."

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What did the gym coach tell his student? Come on! You can do it! Push harder!

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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A vodka please Sir this is McDonald's Ok sorry, a McVodka please

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenic, and don't have any friends

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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