How do you keep a blond in suspense?

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How do you treat someone that is feels like a total failure? Treatment: Okay, draw a square on the board over there, but in order to succeed, you must fail at it. Patient one: Oh, I drew a cicrle :( Patient two: I drew a square :( Congratulations one you succeeded at failing! Now get outta here. Congratulations patient two, you succeeded at the given task, bye bye.

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But officer, I did come to a full stop!

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There once was a man from Nantucket... Who was fiscally responsible.

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Roses are red Violets are fine I'll be the 6 You be the 9

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What did the little boy say when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

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What did the little girl buy for her cat? A box to bury him in.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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What happened when the president cut the hedge That is a highly improbable solution because he would probably have a body guard do it.

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What's the difference between a Chinese guy and a bucket of fried chicken? There are numerous differences.

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What's the difference between a piano and a goldfish? One's a piano, the other is a goldfish.

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How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood

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What has four legs and rocks? Your baby kitten that just got stoned to death.

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter anyway because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face"? The horse does not respond, because it is a horse and lacks any cognitive ability to speak or understand English. Instead, it becomes confused by its surroundings, takes a dump on the floor, and gallops out of the bar knocking a few tables over in the process.

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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what is the opposite of 2x +3x?

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go play on our bikes.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who practices the Jewish religion. A pizza is an italian dish consisting of dough, cheese, and tomato sauce.

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Why did Austin Bell smell like tuna? He had sea food at Joes Crab Shack

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What kind of king has 2 heads? A card!

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How did the hot blonde get a promotion from her boss? She worked really hard and achieved more thaan her coworkers.

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Mike: Johnny pass me the sauce Johnny: I can't pass you the sauce Mike: Johnny pass me the sauce Johnny: I can't pass you the sauce Johnny could pass Mike the sauce as he has no arms and Mike kept on asking as he has short onset alzheimer's.

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Why wouldn't Leena sleep with Ole? Because she thought him to be a dumb, ugly, Scandinavian.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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