Chuck Norris shaves with his fists. That's why he still has a beard.

what is orange and sounds like a parrot a carrot

What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

If everyone in China jumped up and down at the same time they would lose all credibility as a nation for organising such a pointless excursion.

How do you prevent a drowning..? A: You don't throw the black man in the portwater

How do you get a one armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder, he needs help.

What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

Why did the chicken cross the road? It is hard to know things like that.

Two guys are walking on a bridge. One has long hair. The other does not care.

Doctor, doctor! I think I've got an ear infection. I best give you some medicine.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have to go to the bathroom.

How do you kill Lady Gaga? There is no point in trying, she is too heavily guarded.

What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

Why did the cow cross the road? -Because it lives in India and is allowed to.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

An American, a German, and a Mexican walk quickly into a room. They were late for a work meeting.

Why was the blonde fired from her job at the M&M's factory? Her Masters Degree in electrical engineering made her overqualified for the position she had.

Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

Why did the princess kiss the frog? She really wanted a wart.

What happens to a fish with no fin on the right side? It repeatedly swims in a circle.

Rebecca Black sings a song.

There are fewer coppers on sundays. As well as criminality.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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