A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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why is justin bieber so pale? Because he hasn't come out of the closet.

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why is 6 afraid of 7 because seven is black

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Every week or so Chuck Norris does his laundry.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on the training and hence productivity of the babies.

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes home from camp.

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I put the STD in stud now all i need is U

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Gary: Hey Bill, wanna hear a joke? Bill: Yes Gary: Okay.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators are whitWhen falling from trees, they kill you

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Chuck Norris gets punched in the face.

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When I was little I used to love to dig up worms. Out of my ass.

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I can't believe they been together for 16 years!! Who? Deez Nutz!

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Want to burn 3000 calories in under 5 MINUTES? Take a store bought pizza and put it in the over for as long as you want. Just watch the calories burn away in a puff of smoke!

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"Where's your mom?' "She died last night. . ."

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What did the black man say while getting mauled by a jungle cat? "Help im dying", as the animal riped him peice by peice with fear in his eyes he died slowly as the jungle cat draged him back to its den helplessly he fades away and the animal eats him.

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someone had sex with Justin bieber end result Justin went into labor

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear chequered trousers? Because that's how the creator originally drew him.

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What do men and parking spots have in common? Both often have cars on top of them. Vehicular manslaughter is a serious issue.

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Q: why did the 10 year old squirt his dad with the water hose? A: what 10 year old WOULDN'T?

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What was sandusky's role at penn state turned tight ends into wide receivers

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Doctor: Knock knock. Patient: Whose there? Doctor: Interrupting doctor. Patient: Interrupting doc... Doctor: Your son has AIDS and will die soon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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