Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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Did you hear about the guy in town living in a tyre, he got a puncture now hes living in a flat.

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Why didnt the car turn on? Cause the keys werent in the ignition

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Why did the pied piper eat tea half past three? Because the chicken tripped on the way across the street and the fat lady didn't sing.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cactus and a platypus? A: I was wondering the same thing.

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Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

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my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

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What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

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What's red and has two legs? Half a cat!

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Why isnt there any mexicans on star trek? Because even in the future they dont work.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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Please save our environment :) Dont use electricity. Use gas! Like Hitler.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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Is that my bread? I sure hope so.

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How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask him to lower the volume a bit and maybe also play a quieter tune.

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A man walks into a bar, he realizes he has no money and leaves

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I heard you like getting dirty, so I got a dump truck to dump dirt on your bed so you can get dirty while you get dirty.

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What do you call a Mexican that doesn't have a lawn mower? An honest working induvidual that just so happens to live in the city and does not own a lawn mower

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Get a ladder and help him down

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet and sticky? Bubble Gum

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Taxes are like prostitutes. The higher your salary, the more you pay.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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