Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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A black guy and a white guy are arguing over what race god is. So they go to god and ask what race he is. They never got their answer, because god doesn't exist.

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What has 156 bras and 927 pairs of underwear? Someone without a washing machine.

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Noses are red, Lips are blue, I have hypothermia, So do you.

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Your a christain on a lovely vacation with your family a querr waalks by. What do you do? you push the queer of the edge.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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A Hispanic walks into an alleyway and sees two of his rich friends. He desperately needs money and only has enough time to shoot one of them because he sees the police following him. He decides which one to shoot... Wait, if he has enough time to think about this shouldn't he just shoot both of them?

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A: Because he was shot in the face

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What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

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Three construction workers are high up on a building when they decide to take their lunch break there. The three open their respective lunches, converse pleasantly, and enjoy the fine weather.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

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What’s the best part about knowing things no one else does? Nothing. I’m schizophrenic and can’t afford medication.

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What sport was the man with one leg excelling in? Ass kicking.

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i know you talk the talk but can you talk the talk

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Q: What do they call watermelons in Indiana A:watermelons

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why did the black man go to court he was a lawyer it's is job

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Q: What's the answer to this question? A: The question to this answer.

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Why do deer have horns? Because god made them that way.

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What bouriquet got to do open HIS FACEBOOK!

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Did you hear about the one about the man who walked into the library? He likes reading

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If I had xray vision I'd go to a black jack table and when the dealer dealt everyone there cards I would look at the hot girls boobs

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Why would a dog sniff another dog's butt hole? Because that is what they do.

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Whats the difference of a pile of dead babys and a lambrogini? One of them is not inside of my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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