My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A moose walks into a food store. He asks the lady working there where the potatoes are. She says "go down aisle 5.'' he goes down aisle 5 and there arent any potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you make your grandma fly? Push her off the back of a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Women's Professional _________

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't the tractor start? The farmer lost the keys.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, didn't you read the sign on the front door? It says, "People with suits on will not be served." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A Jew walks on his way to work. He does not notice the quarter lying on the sidewalk and did not care for the dollar lying on the other side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a raccoon and a bear? One's a raccoon, the other's a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into a bar. The other patrons suddenly start to run away screaming, because he had just been hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Amy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Amy

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your Mum is soo fat.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Which brains do zombie like most? Zombies dont exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

That joke was so funny that I fell off my dinosaur. Then afterwards had to be put in a rehabilitation center because I am schizophrenic and dinosaurs are extinct.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Three left giraffe testicles fell out of the sky and into a woman's grocery bag. "Did you know that 16 people die from dolphin rape every year? said Adolf Hitler as he began eating a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Why'd he fall off again? Because we put him back on.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats black, white, and Asian all at the same time? A panda

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why couldn't the little boy sleep? he was being tortured.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Why did the chick go to KFC? A. To visit his mother

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How did the guy who's been in his mothers basement for 20 years lose his virginity? He didn't, that's where his mother hid his body.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why do jews get their foreskin cut off? Because they're jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you do when life throws lemons at you? Take out your lemon shield and retreat deep into your lemon proof bunker.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

it ain't easy being cheesy Max Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops