What did the duck say when it saw a puddle? Nothing.Ducks are uncapable of speaking human speech.

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If the best things in life are free, whats the hardest things in life? Death.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Dandelions are weeds

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Two eggs are in a frying pan. One egg says to the other, "Gee, it's getting hot in here!" The other one says, "Shit, a talking egg!!"

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Roses are Rose, Violets are Violet.

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In retrospect, I was wrong to microwave all those cats.

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Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, And if one alcoholic should one day stroll along: There'll be no more bottles hanging on the wall.

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if chuck norris had 5 dollars and you had 10 dollars you would have 5 dollars more than Chuck Norris

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What's brown and sticky? Shit.

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what do you call ten white people on a bench ten white people sitting on a bench, possibly eating their lunch

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing he died.

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What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

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What is wrong with being a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

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Q:Why are babies and spaghetti alike? A:They both stick to the wall when cooked.

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Why did Jonathan choose to watch something else other than Geordie Shore? Jonathan is intellectual.

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She got her arms cut off. Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Knock knock, who's there? Doctor. Doctor who?

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James walks into a room he then leaves as the room is full of hot women but he does not find them attractive as he has a girlfriend and is also bisexual.

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what did the dog say to the muppet? WOOF

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Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

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why did Sarah fall out of the swing? she had no arms. Knock knock. who's there? not Sarah.

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What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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