Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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I found a new way to be condescending... Thats when you talk down to people.

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What do you say to a dead man who knocks on your door? Nothing, you shoot him cause he's a zombie

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Because she has down's syndrome

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What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? wheres my farmer?

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How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

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What do a grape and an Elephant have in common? For sensitivity to people who suffer from color blindness, this joke has been cancelled.

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There's 2 guys in a Y shaped road. One road leads to a cliff with deadly alligators below the river. The other road leads to the village. You can ask both of the guys one question to which leads to the village. However, one guy always tells the truth and the other guy always tells a lie. How do you get to the village? GPS

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What's the difference between a black guy and an asian. They come from different race groups.

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Keanu Reaves

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Q. How many babies does it take to paint a room? A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch names

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what is this joke about? - i don't know i am still writing the j

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What did one wall say to the other? Nothing. Walls can't talk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house Knock knock Who's there? The chicken

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what falls from the sky, is white, and can kill you a refrigerator

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Knock knock! who's there? Doctor Doctor who? No, this is your actual doctor, you have cancer.

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What's white and is your slave? Your computer.

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Why did Jonathan choose to watch something else other than Geordie Shore? Jonathan is intellectual.

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I once did something.

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2 men walk into a bar. You would have expected the second one to notice it after the first guy walked into it.

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Why is it so bad that the bus fell off the cliff? All my friends were on it.

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hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have alzheimers, hey i just met you

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What did one tampon say to another? Nothing they were both stuck up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops