A man walks into a woman's bedroom... But I was already bored of the plot so I skipped to the end of the pornographic video.

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How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's getting hot in here." The other muffing replies "Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin!"

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how many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 283,000,322,249,390

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Doctor! Doctor! There is a fly in my soup! Moral: Huh?

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Q: What did the poor man do when he saw a Ferrari? A: He realized that he would really enjoy having the money to buy such a nice vehicle, so he decided to take it upon himself to enroll in night classes. After many years of hard work, he earned a degree and a high-paying position at a large software corporation, and bought his dream car. He often told the story to his children as an example of what hard work and a goal in mind could achieve you. He lived a long, productive life and died fulfilled.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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Did the owl ever reach the middle of the tootsie pop? Yes. Dreams do come true

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A prostitution ring operates out of a subway. How much does the prostitute with a foot long penis cost? About $300, for a 12 inch penis is very rare and desirable.

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Why did the stoner visit anti-joke.com? Because he was bored, and probably kinda high.

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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What's the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your dad you're gay.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To reach his desired destination.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have no idea how to rhyme, I like tacos

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy almost unparalleled in marine history.

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Hey, what do you call Sarah Palin? A Republican.

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why did the baby have a hole in its head? it was shot

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

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why did the firefighter let the fire burn... becuase of inattentivieness. he will soon be fired.

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why were the African, Asian and Mexican men thrown out of the bar the barman was a racist

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What do you call 4 Mexicans getting into a car late at night? 3rd Shift carpooling

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Q. What's white, has an orange bill, and looks like a swan? A. a swan

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Q: What did the boy with no arms or lags get for christmas? A: He dosent now he cant open them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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