Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Horse walks into a bar. 'The barman says 'why the long face?' The horse says 'I've got cancer'.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar Ouch He broke his penis So he ate it Then he saw a little boy They shaved their pubic hair together He raped the little boy He walked into another bar Double ouch

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Feminism

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock Who's there? Your physician, you're going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you find a true idiot jump in the road when the light is green.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back at her

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Because you touch yourself at night

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are Red Violets are blue I have short term memory loss Hey look thats my bike over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what did the little girl with cancer get for christmas? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats black dirty gross and sits on the porch all day? a trash bag

thumb_up thumb_down +8

My diick won't stop barking unless I take it for a walk, problem is, I can't find a leash big enough

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how long does it take chuck norris to watch a 24 hour video 24 hours

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your momma's so fat, when Jesus said, "Let there be light!," she had to scoot over.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I FEEL LIKE I'M RIDING ON A CLOUD actually it's physically impossible to ride on clouds because they are sparsely situated ice particles.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why does a new mother have big jugs? Her baby died of Sudden infant death syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Who's there Orange Orange who Orange

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A white guy jumps over the fence belonging to a Mexican family

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops