Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what has four legs but cant walk? a dog after anal

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy wuzzy lost all his hair. Turns out he had brain cancer and died at age 30.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

your so fat. your fat!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why is the black guy jobless? He's 3 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What does bigfoot have? Big feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

thumb_up thumb_down -28

10 kids are on a bus. It's just a normal bus, it takes the kids to school and lets them off.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don't hammer the watermon

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Yo mamas so ugly that when she looked out the window, she was arrested for mooning.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the Mexican steal a pack of tortillas? To feed his family. He didn't have the necessary funds to pay for it.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the chicken cross the road? What does chicken mean?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What dithe blackman say to the white man ???? Nothin! They both committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

good looking women

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the Hispanic woman cheat on her husband? Because he couldn't maintain an erection, was boring, and collected stamps.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops