When life gives you lemons you make orange juice so people will say "How the hell did you do that?"

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Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

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Tom: Knock knock! Guy: Who's there? Tom: Carrot. Guy: Impossible.

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Hey I just banged you, and it was crazy, delete my number, and keep the baby.

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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How many shots do you have to take to start feeling light-headed? Ask JFK.

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A man says hello to his best friend in the morning like he always does. Why did his best friend not reply? The mans best friend is not real and is actually a figment of the mans imagination because he has been suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia his whole life and has many imaginary friends.

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what did the african say after he got beat by the cops? wow i really shouldn't have sliced that mans head off.

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PLEASE HELP IM TRAPPED IN SOME GUYS HOUSE PLEASE SOMEBODY HAS TO SEE THIS IF I TEXT HE WILL SEE IT IM AT

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Q: what white hard and huge and it can kill you if you fall out of a tree? A: a refrigerator

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what's up? my penis.

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Q; What's the new slogan for the TSA? We handle more junk than EBay.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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knock knock who's there? to to who? to whom*

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Why did the man go to Lourdes Because he has lost all hope

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What did the raped girl get for Christmas? Pregnant.

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Why did the black man sleep all day? He suffered from narcolepsy.

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A girl said to her boyfriend, "you take my breath away." The boy said, "that isn't possible" and they proceeded to have sex.

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Why did the pirate get kicked out of the pirate movie? He killed 7 people while looking for treasure under the seats.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Q: Why did the Jew fit in with the White people? A: Because he, and his compatriots, have accepted the view of Judaism as a religion, and perhaps a lifestyle -- but not a race.

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How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

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How do you burn Lebron James's house? With fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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