- Anti Joke

What do you call a black man on a bike? A hard-working individual who found a steady job and earned enough money to buy a bicycle of his own which he rides to and from his job because he is healthy, doesn't like to waste money on gas, and doesn't like the pollution automobiles put into the air. By Darragh Hamilton

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son... Because I can empathise with you, and it's not a very nice situation to be in. Hope you work it out.

Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

What do you say to a black man driving a car? Taxi

In Soviet Russia, this joke is an anti-joke.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Why did the girl drop her vannlia ice cream? Vannlia Ice punched her for being cool as ice.

Why did the black man quit his job as a rapper? Because he was an admirable father and husband and was willing to sacrifice his passion to provide for those he loved.

To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

When I find out where you live I'm going to burn down your house, kill your family, and while your crying in you demise I am going to slit your throat.

Why did the black man get drenched by a fire hose because he was on fire

What's even worse than getting a parking ticket on your birthday? Child molestation.

I used to say "I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee" like you but then I took an arrow in the knee.

why did the Mexican eat a octopus because he was hungry would die if he didn't

Man: You know you're crazy when you talk to inanimate objects, you know you're Insane when they reply. Stick: I know, right?

How do you get a black man out of your seat? You ask him very nicely with a great attitude.

How do you kill a pirate? Throw him of a bridge

why are crocodiles so angry? because they have a lot of teeth but no tooth brush?

How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could get to the hospital before he lost to much blood from his stab wound.

What did the lion say on a hot day in Africa? Nothing, lions can't talk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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