Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Cause the branch broke. Why did the baby fall out of the tree?Cause it was stapled to the cat.

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The global news

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What liquid is white and sticky and annoying to get on your hand? Glue.

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because she's been bound and gagged by kidnappers who are holding her for ransom.

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Did you hear the joke about the Israeli guy with the cruise missile down his pants? Me neither. I hope it's a good joke.

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What did the coney say to the hotdog? At least i kill people.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: He has a debilitating disease, it's called ALS.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bicycle? ( I don't know. ) You're so racist.

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If Tiger Woods is Asian and Black what is he? A golfer!

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fish fishy caoimhin

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Q: What has four eyes but can't see? A: A blind guy with glasses

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My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

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What's the difference between an egg and a Llama? The'yre both not lamps.

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Have you ever ate a donut? Yes I have. In fact, the donut I ate recently was fairly delicious.

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How do you make a kid with ADHD stay still? Shoot him in the knee cap

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Why didn't Katie cross the road? Because she's dead.

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What's 9+ 10?! 19

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Why did the black man cry? He was grieving the death of his brother C.D

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What is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you? A pool table.

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Whats worse than getting an "F" on a test? Stage diving with a kilt on.

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What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

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What happened to the famous musician when he overdosed? He overdosed.

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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Why did the little girl cry? Because she saw her future.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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