Tim and Jim are Telling Jokes Tim: Knock Knock ... Jim does not respond because Tim has a mental disorder causing him to believe in hypothetical doors and thus ignores him so that he does not upset his friend

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Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. But Jack still couldn't out run that bullet.

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, Dandelions are red, I lit your garden on fire.

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there were three men in a car, Poop, Shut Up, and Manners. They were driving in a truck when poop fell out of the car. Manners went to get him. Shut Up parked somewhere that he wasn't supposed to so the police man came to him. He asked him what his name was and he said "Shut Up" because that was his name. The police man said "Where are your manners?" then Shut Up said,"He went to go scoop up poop".

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I have a really funny joke.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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Why did the girls ice cream melt? She was on fire.

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What did the black man say when he jumped in the pool? The water's nice, you should join me.

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What did the towel say to the other towel? Nothing, there was no topic of conversation.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Though if the ladder is rickety and she needs someone to steady it for her, two.

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What did Aladin say to Mulan? Nothing. Although they are both Disney characters, they never appear in the same film, and therefore never communicate.

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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How many fingers am i holding up? none, my hand got blown off in Vietnam

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A house comes around the corner.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Women's Rights

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human being and one is an inanimate object that people enjoy sitting on.

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Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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