Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the boy trip? A small explosion in the center of the earth caused by a hobo created a tsunami, causes a seagull to fly off in alarm. The seagull lands on a Smart Car, causing it to crash, which sends a signal off to a satellite in space. Because of this, a massive earthquake occurs. Oh, and the boy? There was a bowl of soup left carelessly on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Faithful men.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a fridge painted red and brown? A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

yo Dawg I heard you like dogs... So I sent yo ass to prison and got an NFL contract

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I killed your family, and now i'm coming after you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

HOW MANY CRACK-HEADS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? NONE, THERE AIN'T NO ELECTRICITY IN THE CRACKHOUSE!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the boy throw his alarm clock out of the window? Because he was angry at the alarm going off

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you say to the man break dancing?? You don't, call an ambulance he is having an epileptic fit.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Tommy was excited to get a tattoo of a falafel on his wiener. He got skin cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats sad about 4 black people in a cadalic fallign over a cliff? it wasnt there car

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops