What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

Why did the man open up a umbrella? Because it was raining..

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game...

woman's rights

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having a discussion on current issues. The brunette says she would like to see improvements in the environment. The red head says she would like to see the economy prosper. The blonde says she has to take a poop.

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Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

How do you know there's an elephant in your refrigerator? Look at your refrigerator.

Why did the blonde run into a screen door? Because screen doors are difficult to see when one is running at full speed

What did the chicken say to the cow? Cluck cluck Knock knock Who's there Chicken Chicken who? Chicken go cluck cluck, cow go moo Piggie go oink oink, how 'bout you?

Why did the deer stop running? It was hit by a car

Why did the boy lose his change? He had no Pants Why did the boy have no pants? The Holocaust

Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

Whats worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse then two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse then the holocaust? Three bee stings.

Whats worse than a bee sting? -Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? -The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? -Three bee stings.

How do you save stop your soulmate from dying of cancer? Shoot them on the head.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ( to heaven )

What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

Why did the Asian student do well in school? Because he worked hard and studied everyday

what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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