What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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God is real.

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There are two cows in a field. One cow says to the other - 'Are you afraid of the mad cow disease?' The other cow says - 'No, cuz I'm a duck.'

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"So, what do you fancy doing tonight?" "Does it matter? We'll end up doing what you want anyway..."

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Q. Whats the worst soccer team in the world. A. Ass-enal.

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What did Chuck Testa do when he saw she had died of a heart attack? He cried and gave her a proper funeral and burial.

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This Anti-Joke is funny. haha.

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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How many Stephen Hawkings does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He can't.

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What's moist wet and I put my finger in it? My nose.

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The kid was riding a honda xr70r. He got hit by a non moving object and died.

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you work at Mcdonalds? Because I don't have a job, are you hiring?

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Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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Why was Blue looking for her clue. She was drugged by a stranger and ended up inside of Mailbox.

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Dwarf Shortage

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A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on suicide The librarian gives him permission and he leaves the library with the book in hand.

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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What did peter griffin say to the black guy? Oh you are black.

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What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

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Why was Sally sad? She was the only survivor of a plane crash that killed her entire family.

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How did bill lose his legs he got them amputated after contracting a severe case of "INeedToGetMyLegsAmputatedSyndrome"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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