My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

three peanuts where walking down a dark alley, one was asalted

thumb_up thumb_down -7

My three children are three big mistakes.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Three Arabian men are on a plane, they stand up, and shout BOMB, BOMB, BOMB! All three have Tourettes.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Study from real life: My trip to Texas. (From the time when I was interested in mormon-ism.) Texan: And here is my gun collection, great for shootin yer Mexican scum. Me: Uh I am Norwegian but my ancestors where Russian or something so my skin is... Texan: *points gun at me and pushes trigger halfways* Just kidding der son, sure you aint no Mexican though? Okay just checkin ya know... Me *sweating bullets* Texan guys gun go off almost hitting me and breaking a vase.. Conclusion: He blamed me, everyone had lunch outside later, everyone kept looking at the "trigger happy MEXICAN"... Nero: By then I began grasping the fact that I was better suited for the study of the dark arts... And also learned that in Mormonism, Heaven and Hell are planets locked into war, where black people where neutral, and red people are demon supporters, but WE CAN ALL BE SAVED BY BECOMING WHITE! JUST LIKE THE ANGEL MORONI! Conclusion two: Moroni... Lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you get when you mix a teenager with a tanning bed? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q. What did the monkey say to his little brother? A. Nothing. Monkeys are physically incapable of speaking, therefore it is impossible for them to communicate using the human language.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the patient with narcolepsy? It wasn't. The patients were treated due to moral obligations. But the doctors that laughed had either been fired or warned, depending on if there were previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why couldn't Jesus get a driver's license? Because automobiles did not exist 2000 years ago.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Enters password. Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies. Enters password. Password Strength: Weak

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the girls ice cream melt? She was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

a man walks into a bar with a poodle stuffed halfway up his rectum... WHY ARE YOU WAITING FOR A PUNCHLINE!? MY GOD! THIS MAN HAS A DOG UP HIS ANUS!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's white and has a crusty nose? Luke Lange

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Doctor, Doctor. I think I've broke my arm! I'm going to refer you to the fracture clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mamas so fat that she went to the doctor and he said she has a very high case of diabetes so now she's trying to excerise more and watching what she eats.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock ... Knock knock ... Little did the man knocking at the door know that the kid was told not to answer the door when he was home alone, so the kid was hiding

thumb_up thumb_down -7

whay did the monkey fall out of the tree? he was dead. why did the cat fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops