How do you confuse a bar tender? You ask him how tender he is.

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

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how do you drown a blonde in a kitty pool? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom

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Why can't monkeys and kuala bears get along? Because they are two entirely different species that cannot communicate with each other...

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What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

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why didn't bob die? because he liked his hair just the way it was.

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What do you call a black man that can steal, shoot, and jump? A basketball player.

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How did the black man survive the Train crash? He didnt, he died liked everyone else

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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Knock knock Whos there Your Ma Your Ma who Your ma's in jail!!!

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that green thing is not a leaf, it's my sister

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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Why are anti jokes so repetitive? Because you're reading too many, get off your computer.

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what do u call a black men standing on top of a church. holy shit

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Why did the Jew cross the road? Cause the Nazi told him to

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I'm hungry.

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What did the little boy say before he succumbed to cancer? Nothing. It was too painful.

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Why is Obama Care a lie? Cuz he doesn't care!

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What is worse than finding an apple in you worm? Biting into an apple and finding 2 worms

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How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just beat the night since its black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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