Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your car repossessed.

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A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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this is just a tribute to the greatest anti-joke ever told as I can't quite remember how it went, but you gotta beleive me, you just had to be there, it's a matter of opinion.

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What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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What did the Johhny say to the black man when he saw him buying a watermelon? Nothing, Johnny is mute.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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What word starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Why does Tim Teblow love men? Logan Cole told him to.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it did not realize it was a man-made distinction for constructed transportation vehicles and had a coincidental tendency to walk toward the area on the other side to find food or avoid birds flying over.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face

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What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

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So I'm balls deep in this 9 year old...

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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Where did Mary go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Whats gay, has a nice ass, and can such a mad dick? Everyone at LNS, including me, Glenn. Just kidding I like bitches.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Laughter is the best medicine. Not for cancer.

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Whats the worst thing a 13 year old could do? Have a Bar Mitzvah in Holocaust Germany.

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette on an island. This island is called England, and this situation tends to happen a lot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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