How many squirrels does it take to change a lightbulb? 42.

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What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

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Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

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Q: How did the black guy die? A: After a long battle with a terrible case of pneumonia he struggled to breath and died a slow and peaceful death... R.I.P. Dad

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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whats the difference between a grape and an elephant? the grape is purple

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What happened to the woman driver who drove to Tesco? Due to the pleasant traffic conditions, she arrived slightly earlier than expected and she finished her weekly shop in forty minutes. She returned home, once again in good traffic and ate a delicious lunch of sausages and chips.

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Harry thrust his wand forward, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort casually ducks, and fires a killing curse at our hero.

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What is a waste of time and money? Your mother.

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What's just not right? Left

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What do you get when you cross a blonde with a dinosaur? Beastiality

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What's worse than a bug in your soup? Getting shot in the stomach.

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What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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What did Mary say to Vishnikharmut? You're name is weird. What did Vishnikharmut say to Mary? Your grammar is incorrect.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Being a chicken, it had no concept of roads or their dangers and was simply trying to find some feed.

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Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

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"I see London; I see France..." "Wow. You must have exceptional eyesight."

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave was beginning to get very scared of his best friend at this time, so he ran away panicking.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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