What's the difference between and orange? The horse wasn't wearing a saddle.

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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he took my chicken i shoot him in the foot and raped his dog

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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Why did billy fall off his bike? Because billy was a loaf of bread.

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why did so many people die in the typhoon in the Philippines because they had to finish there math homework

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What's red and can sing? Elmo

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What did Harry get for his Birthday? Nothing nobody likes Harry.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because it broke...

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Your momma is so fat, shes skinny.

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Why didn't the lttle boy fasten his seatbelt? It doesn't matter, it's too late now.

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What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But after she does this, se will probably have sex with another woman

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Why is the sky blue? You like men.

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Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

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Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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