Why couldn't the pirate go to the movies? He had scheduling conflicts

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I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

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What do you call a fat computer? Adele :)

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I was about to do an triathlon, but i took an arrow to the knee. It got infected and i promptly died two days later.

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Q: What do you call a pair of dead babies lying on the ground? A: Slippers

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How did Whitney huston die? By eating a turkey sasandwich and then put a car jump starter in the bath tub.

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How do you save stop your soulmate from dying of cancer? Shoot them on the head.

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Two men walk into a bar, get drunk, and drive home. Unfortunately, they crash into a tree and are mortally wounded.

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Water is blue. Fire is red. Come on let me show you what happen in the bed.

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Michael Jackson and Barack Obama talked to each other about oreos

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How does Hitler like his juice? With pulp

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Roses are red , Violets are blue You little dumb ass bitch Ain't fuckin' with yoouuuuuu

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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What do your friends have in common with a tree? They both fall down when you hit them multiple time with an axe

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Your mamma so jobless, that she needs a job! ~T.J.C.S.

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whats brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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What did the blind man say to the mentally challenged man when he bumped into him? Watch where you're going, retard.

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Q:what do u call a dead baby tied to my feet? A:new shoes

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What did one tree say to the other tree? Nothing, trees can't talk.

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Why is Ian's name Ian? Because he was adopted

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What did the baby do when it crossed the rode? It didn't get across it got hit by a car.

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What did the black man say tovtye chinese man? Hello sir how are you today?

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops