I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

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Why are AntiJokes so funny? Because your brain analyses them and makes you laugh.

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What is a black person's favorite color? There are many different colors and it would be unrealistic to believe that all the people of a single race would choose the same one as their favorite.

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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What did the chicken say to the butcher? Moo.

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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What do you get if you cross if you cross an overweight woman with a pair of very tight trousers? Exactly that, an overweight woman in inappropriately tight torusers.

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Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

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there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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where do you hide a black mans paycheck? somewhere he would never find it

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally!

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Roses are red Violets are blue This website is dumb Your mom is going to kill you

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If gluttony is a serious sin, why are so many Christians fat? Because they have bad eating habits.

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What did Steve Hagen say to Steve Walters? "We have the same first name."

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Where did Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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How do you turn that frown upside down? You move many muscles in your face.

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Why were people laughing when Muhammad Ali signed autographs for his fans? He was making jokes regarding his Parkinson's syndrome in order to elevate an otherwise melancholy experience for the audience.

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Knock knock Who's there Bill Bill who? Bill Thompson

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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