pudding

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whats funny? when isreal special forces hunted down nazis after ww2 and killed the fucks

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What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to compromise his health and career

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How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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What happened to George's pet rock? It ran away.

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Q: What do they call watermelons in Indiana A:watermelons

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Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

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rarw

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a shovel 17 times

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Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

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why does the room smell bad? because there's a dead body under the bed

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poems, Show me your tits.

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Whats worse than driving a Ford Taurus? Driving two Ford Taurus'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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