- Anti Joke

Hey Bill, did you know we have a black guy in our family tree? Really? Yeah, he's still hanging there

Why did the chicken cross the road? Systemic oppression.

I never drink liquor alone... except for when I'm alone.

What happen to the man who got drunk and passed out behind the wheel? He crashed into a tree, his car caught fire and then he got incinerated.

What do you call black people in a church, Holy shit

What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

What did one door say to the other door? Nothing, cause doors don't talk.

Why did Jack like oranges? - Penis

Q) How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) One

Who is married to Uncle Joke? Antijoke.

What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, she didn't make it that far

roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Pokerface.

If the joke below mine says something about a mom its from adam he sucks ...

Suicide isn't the answer, it's just the solution. -by Ross

Why did the eskimo drag the seal into the igloo? Because the whale wouldn't fit.

When Gronkowski spikes the ball, 20 children die.

How do you kill a fox? With a gun. How do you kill a deer? With a gun.

Why Did The Man Fall Off His Motorcycle? Because he hit a bus.

What did the players of the all black NBA team say to the white rookie? "Congratulations for making it to the NBA! Your hard work and dedication has certainly paid off."

A man walks into a bar. He realizes that he would need a designated driver if he would want to return home safely. So he then leaves.

Why did the cave men discover fire? They were the only humans on earth.

Praise Paisley

Jack was taking his family’s prized cow to market to sell; times were hard, the coming winter was sure to be harsh and they needed money and supplies desperately. On his way, a strange old man stopped him in his path saying ”Say there, son; that’s quite a fine cow you’ve got there! How would you like to trade?” Jack looked forlorn at his cow and replied, “Sorry, mister, unless you’ve got the 200 gold pieces my papa wants me to get for her at market, I can’t!” The old man cackled and danced in a small circle and said “But you’ve no idea what I have to offer!” He reached into his pocket and revealed several small beans; “I’ll give you the LOT of these for your cow!” Jack smirked and said “Why would I trade a whole cow for handful of dumb ol’ beans?” The man laughed and danced again, “These are no ORDINARY beans!! They are MAGICAL beans!! Why, plant but ONE of these beans, even in the harshest, driest of weather, and it will you feed your family for 20 years with enough left over to sell at market making your family wealthy beyond your wildest imaginings! Why, you could buy a HERD of cattle, each finer than this one you have here!” Jack thought this over for a few seconds, wondering at how proud his father would be were he to bring home such a fine prize! Anxiously, Jack agreed; he handed over the cows leash to the old man and ran home as fast as his legs could carry him, the magic beans clenched tightly in his sweaty fist. He burst in the door shouting “Mama, papa! Come see what I’ve got!” Jack’s mother, father and two little brothers came rushing into the room where Jack proudly displayed the magic beans in his outstretched hand. “We’re going to be rich and never go hungry again!” Jack’s mother looked confusedly at the beans; “You traded our last cow… for a few beans?” “Yup,” replied Jack, brimming with pride; “ the old man said just ONE of these is enough to feed us for 20 years!” Jack’s father grabbed the beans out of Jack’s hand and threw them out the window before proceeding to beat Jack quite severely, breaking his arm, fracturing several of his ribs and covering him with every manner of welt and lesion before Jack’s mother, through panic and tears, was able to stop her husband from killing their eldest son. Jack soon after took ill as several of the lesions became gangrenous. They amputated his arm, but it was too late; the infection had spread and Jack died within the month. By that time, winter had come and it was every bit as harsh as they thought it would be; Jack’s little brothers both died of starvation and Jack’s Mother turned to selling her shriveled, malnourished body to any wayward traveler who would have her for a pittance. Shamed and in mourning, Jack’s father took to drinking heavily at the local tavern. One night, through the drunken haze he overheard the barkeep telling a rapt group of listeners about how he’d heard about an old man who’d duped some dumb kid out of his family’s prized cow for a few beans and that same old man was currently in prison serving 5 years for man-on-cow acts of bestiality. Jack’s father ran out into the night, wailing and crying, deep into the woods to escape the shame of it all. A pack of wolves heard him and attacked and killed him. Also, Jack’s mother got syphilis. Moral of the story: children will ruin your life.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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